He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
