we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
