this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
