In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
