i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
