I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
