walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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