i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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