i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
