guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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