The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
