your room smells of hookers.
And success
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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