I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
