Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize