Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
