My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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