my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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