i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
