I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
