you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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