Got a toothbrush?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
