just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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