A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
