I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
my poor anus
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize