toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
