the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
