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tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
