I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
