He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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