words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
