Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
