everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
