your room smells of hookers.
And success
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize