We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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