he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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