Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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