I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
