im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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