Church boner. Awkwardddd
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
