i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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