Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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