You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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