the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
