whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
