Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
