i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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