I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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