so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
