Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
