just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
