This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
