What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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