Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
