do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
