im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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