Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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