Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
