dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
