How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
