your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
