Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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