oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
