you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
