well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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