i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
